I never really belived in this sort of thing, but I found out it really is true!!
By Maureen Salamon
(LifeWire) — Stacy Pearson keeps buying food she knows she’ll never eat — from tomato soup to green beans to ramen noodles — merely because it’s on sale. Why? Blame her mother.
Listen to your spouse and children on which of your behaviors may be out of line, an expert says.
Her mom, Pearson explains, has always been one to stockpile, to the point that she’s “set for a nuclear holocaust.” And, Pearson adds, “I’m headed the same way.”
Pearson, 31, insists on bringing home restaurant leftovers to “rot appropriately” in her refrigerator and phones friends during storms to find out how hard it’s raining at their house — just like mom.
“I made a vow around the age of 16 to never be like her,” says Pearson, a Phoenix publicist and mother of a 5-year-old daughter. “It’s interesting — the habits I thought I’d never want, I picked up.” Are you just like your mom?
Chalk it up to a potent and mysterious mix of nature and nurture, but many women — particularly once they’re raising their own children — arrive at the astounding realization that they’ve become their mothers after all.
Sandra Reishus, a Sacramento, California, therapist and author of “Oh No! I’ve Become My Mother,” says it’s not surprising that some daughters come to emulate their mothers even after living in fear of that outcome.
“It’s inevitable, because our brains were forming when we were around her,” says Reishus, who has been in practice for 16 years. “She was our window into the world.”
Happily, they have some tips on how to solve this problem:
Breaking the chain
But what if you don’t want to be just like mom? Jason Greenberg, a psychologist in New York City who counsels many women with mother-daughter issues, suggests these steps to behave more consciously and not accept family influences as inevitable:
• Be aware of feedback. If your spouse or children are telling you your ways of relating aren’t working, listen. It’s difficult to judge your own behavior objectively.
• Identify what’s not working. Create a mental or written list of traits your family and you don’t want to see repeated through generations.
• Stop and breathe. When you find yourself in stressful situations — which make it harder to “catch” your behavior — don’t do anything at first. “Those are going to be the moments when you’re most likely to repeat a behavior that’s not constructive,” Greenberg says, “or something that’s just like your mother.”