Learning to cope

Becky’s always done this weird thing where when I’m scolding one of the kids for something, she’ll come over to see what’s going on, and then start scolding louder than me, and talking right over me. Since I don’t think there’s any point in two people scolding the same kid for the same thing, I’ll hush up and let her run the show. If we’re both in the same room, I’ll just let her do all the scolding, and not bother speaking up when a kid does something notable, because Becky will unfailingly launch into a tirade no matter what I’m doing or saying.

I always thought it was weird how she’d do that… Why jump in and out-shout me? Was it a control issue? Was I not firm or scalding enough?

But having her mom and sister both here over the weekend, I discovered it’s just another of those Huntzinger Women Traits, just like planning everything out to the n’th degree, and yaking incessantly.

When all three of them were in the same room and a kid unwisely misstepped, all three would scold the child at the same time.

If only one was present, she would start scolding the child, and the other two would flock in and add to the scolding, all three, talking at once to the same child, asking him or her what he or she was doing, and telling him or her not to do that.

It was the oddest thing seeing three women all scolding the same child for the same thing at the same time. Do they get some sort of scolding tunnel-vision where they get into scold-mode and are unaware of anything else around them while scolding? Do they think a scolding is more effective the more voices are voiced? Do they each think that the other two scoldings are insufficient, and hence her input is also needed to complete the scold?

Or is it the age-old need of women to be included and validated, that makes a joint-scolding so much more fulfilling than a solo-scold, being out on a limb, scolding a child all alone without support, and the insecurity and self-doubt that goes with loneliness?

I’d almost say this merits further study, but I’d rather go into the other room for peace and quiet. But at least I understand my wife a little better now.

3 thoughts on “Learning to cope

  1. What a very subtle un-public place to critique. Thank you.

    Glad I could help you understand your wife, and for that matter women in general, more. Imagine what it would be like in a polygamist home!!!

    What we do is called VALIDATION in some circles, NEUROTIC in others.

    I will try to hold my tongue the rest of the week so you won’t be driven to dwell in the corner of a housetop or dwell in the wilderness. Although, dwelling in the wilderness is very therapeutic for women in our family…

  2. Hey now, I’m not saying who’s right or who’s wrong, I’m just a passive observer of the women surrounding me.

  3. You said they were yaking. I didn’t realize they got sick when they were in town. Was it food poisoning? Did they make a mess? I think the yaking would have been more distrubing than the scolding.

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