The Official Toe Post

Way back in May, we (meaning this little family of ours) went to my parents’ house for the Memorial Day weekend. We came home Monday, arriving around 11:30. We finished unpacking the car around midnight, and I remembered that Tuesday is garbage day, and went up to move the cans to the road.

Whoever puts them back after the garbage pick-up always puts them with the wheels and pull-handle facing back against the railing that surrounds the area where the garbage cans and our neighbor’s car are. This means that to move the garbage cans, I cannot simply tilt them back and roll them around, because the handle and wheels are facing a way where there can be no tipping.

Rather, I have to drag the full garbage cans away from the railing, turn them around so I can get at the wheels and handle, and then roll them to their designated spots on at the roadside.

So anyway, I had worn sandals on the drive home, and still had them on. As I tugged and drug one of the garbage cans, it hung up on a clump of cement, then swung free, clipping my toe and bending back the toenail of my left big toe.

Oh boy did that smart! Sometimes when something painful happens, you see it happen, know it’s going to be painful, but don’t actually feel the pain until a few moments later.

Oh no, this was ultra-pain right from the get-go. Right when that garbage can peeled my toenail back from my soft, fleshy toe, I could feel that pain just throbbing away.

I looked down, and there was a white crease across the middle of my toenail, and blood began streaming out from underneath.

I gingerly walked back down the stairs and into the house. I was going to take a shower anyway because we had been swimming that day, so I just went into the bathroom. I could tell my toenail was not quite as stuck to my toe as it used to be, so I timidly pressed down on it.

A fresh squirt of blood and flood of pain told me that my body did not think that was the best course of action. So instead, I hopped in the shower.

But even the water dropping from the shower hurt!!! Here’s what it looked like after my shower. .. or maybe it was the next day when I was changing the bandage. You can see the puss around the corners of the toenail.

And here’s how it looked about a month later, as I continued to ponder writing a post about it. For comparison, my non-molested foot is right next to it. Please ignore the sock patterns on my foot.

Even today, my toenail sticks up more than it should. Measuring with a dial caliper using the Step method, my right toenail has a height of .04″, but my left is about .12″!!! My toenail is currently .50″ long, so solving for cosine, (.12 – .04) / .50 means my left toenail is 16 degrees more upright than it should be!!! Oh the horror!!!

I will never be the same.

2 thoughts on “The Official Toe Post

  1. That is really, really, really gross and sad. I am so sorry your toenail has been rearranged on your toe. You should try tape to tape it down and readjust the angle of the toenail in relation to the plane of the toe.

  2. TOO much toe details for me!
    And just want to say sorry for everytime I bumped your toe this last month. I was wondering why you slept all the way over on the other side as close to the wall as you could…sorry.

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