Monthly Archives: August 2006

Leftover from what?

Just this very morning, I read a quote in Reader’s Digest that went something like this:

For 30 years, we ate mom’s leftovers. The original meal was never found!

Well, with Becky and the kids out of town this wekeend, I committed myself to pulling surplus meals from the fridge, and tossing them for the Tuesday garbage pickup. I hoped it would free up space in the fridge, and possibly save us untold woe and sickness later on.

Not having a haz-mat suit handy, I left the kitchen faucet running for quick detoxification, if necessary, and dove into the fridge.

Beginning with the top shelf, I scooted aside about 3 half-empty jars of jam, and spied a white can lurking in the distance. Removing it, I discovered this:

It looked innocent enough on the back of the shelf, but if you were to remove it and look inside, you’d have to wait until I was done looking first, and then you’d see this:

I don’t know what that is, but I think all the milk evaporated.
Undaunted, I dove back in to see what else I could find. I saw a cute little white tupperware bowl with a blue lid, and wondered what it held. I certainly didn’t recall eating any dinner out of it anytime recently, so I pulled it from the fridge. It looks like this on the outside:

Upon opening it, I realized why I don’t recall any meals from it – we had never served frog spawn for dinner before! I don’t know how we got such a large collection of unfertilized frog eggs, and I don’t know how long we’ve been keeping them, but I hope Becky wasn’t planning on spawning them in the creek because the goop has been dumped.

And finally, a somewhat ominous tupperware bowl. Just looking at it, you can see a multi-textured, brown viscous liquid inside, and it has some weight to it. I pulled the lid off to reveal…

a well-aged mixture of beans, potatoes, and goo. I actually remember this meal – it was on a dark and stormy night, many weeks ago. The kids refused to touch it, not even when buttered toast was added to the meal. They ran away, leaving bowls of warm multi-bean stew and crumbly bread crusts. Looks like nobody else wanted any more, either, as it was quite congealed and hidden before I pulled it out. I thought about bringing it to the upcoming camping trip – the one that Kim is not going on – and serving it at the potluck, but even the worst camp food is better than this. No offense, Becky, I really do love your cooking!

And so, happily, we have much more free space in the fridge this morning, and the garbage men came up and hauled away our leftovers at the crack of dawn. And what a bright dawn it is, with endless possibilities for future meals and leftovers!

Kim gets cookin!

This morning, Kim woke up with an odd ache in her side. She hadn’t slept well at all, and on pulling up her pajama shirt, she saw three large bruises on her side. Puzzled, she patted down her bed to see what she had slept on, and discovered three eggs underneath her mattress!

“How did these get here?” she puzzled. “I certainly did not lay them! Maybe little Ben left them here.”

She rolled out of bed, got a change of clothes, and trudged off to the shower, gingerly rubbing her side. She stepped into the bathroom, and slipped! Her hands flailed wildly, throwing her clothes all over the bathroom. She looked down, and was shocked to find 1 cup of oil on the floor! She knew it was one cup, because there was an empty, oily measuring cup right there next to the spill.

“How inconvenient! Who would spill oil on the floor, and not clean it up?” There weren’t any footprints on the floor leading from the spill, so she couldn’t guess the culprit by the size of the footprint. She wiped up the spill, then hopped into the shower, adjusting the water temperature to the higher side of tepid. She washed with her favorite loofa, exfoliating with delight, then sprinkled 2 teaspoons of vanilla to her hair, to add scented body to her luxurious mane. She forgot to buy deoderant when she went to the store last week, and had just run out. However, being inventive, she reasoned that since it works for killing odors in the fridge, she simply tossed one teaspoon baking soda into each armpit.

That done, she headed upstairs for her breakfast. Just like every morning, she shredded two cups of zucchini, added two cups of sugar and 1 1/2 teaspoons of cinnamon.

“Delicous!” she declared, thrusting her spoon into the air, flicking zucchini and sugar on the ceiling. Kim was feeling adventurous, and was looking foward to the hike she had planned for today. She had packed her daybag yesterday, set her boots by the door, and was eager to set out before sunrise. She unhooked her super fancy new silver Razr phone from its charger – her favorite brother-in-law Mike had just sent it to her, and she was so grateful! She loved the new phone, with it’s sleek profile, large clear screen, and 4x zoom vga camera. In fact, the only thing she loved more was her brother-in-law Mike, and swore in her heart of hearts that she’d make it up to him on Christmas, even if she didn’t draw his name in the family assignments.

“I know just what I’ll get him – one 8 1/4 ounce can of crushed pineapple, drained” she thought. “That, and one package of instant pudding mix, any flavor!”

She grabbed her hiking supplies and went outside, and was surprised to discover that a sudden frost had iced over the front walk and driveway!

“No way am I walking on that and risking slipping that ice again like I did back when I flopped down and ripped a big hole in my hand!” she reflected. Instead, she grabbed some flour and sprinkled it on the walk as she went, using three cups to get to her car.

She popped in her favorite CD (which she had burned a few days earlier on her super fancy new laptop that has a built-in DVD player / CD burner. Her CD player is super cool and can even play MP3 CD’s, which comes in handy when she and her favorite travelling companion Cindy are making multi-state treks across state lines and stuff like that) and drove to the mountains.

On the way, she began munching on her special trail mix, a composition of her own design, consisting of one cup each of raisins and walnuts, 3/4 teaspoon nutmeg for spice, 1/4 teaspoon baking powder for freshness, and 1 teaspoon salt to replace lost whatever you call those things you lose when you do strenuous activity.

Unfortunately, she ate it all before she even got there, and had to cancel the trip and go home and didn’t even get any interesting pictures of the scenery or cows, or the three greased loaf pans she saw on the side of the road. On the other hand, maybe that’s a good thing, because now that the sun was up, it was as hot as an oven set at 350 for one hour!

Multimedia Day

Blogging for Kim, Continued…

Kimberly found this fantastic, educational movie, and wanted to share it with the rest of us. It’s in Quicktime format.

And I wanted to share this video. I’m still looking for the news articles behind it, but it’s from a top cop in San Francisco, commenting on a criminal running free after multiple arrests, killing a cop, and the media’s reaction.